The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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