I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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