Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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