I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
