ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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