Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
