I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i now understand why vodka
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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