we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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