Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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