Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
