I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize