Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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