Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize