Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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