i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
