I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize