Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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