my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
