Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
