literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
