If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
