Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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