his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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