dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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