Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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