so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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