why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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