Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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