As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
