one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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