No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
