If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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