I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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