oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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