If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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