tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
where am i from again
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
