were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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