I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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