Only a mothe r could love this liver
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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