Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
