Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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