everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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