when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"