Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Michael Bay diarrhea
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
