well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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