my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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