the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
