so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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