I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
