I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
