Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
