New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
