why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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