i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
