New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
