I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
