Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
