he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
