how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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