Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
