after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
