His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i believe in u and ur pee
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